


Confession

by JessicaMDawn



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Letters, M/M, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-01
Updated: 2011-09-05
Packaged: 2017-11-26 16:22:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessicaMDawn/pseuds/JessicaMDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unable to say it, Merlin instead writes to Arthur about his magic. Preslash Arthur/Merlin. Post Season 3 but no spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

To My Lord Arthur Pendragon, Crowned Prince of Camelot, Captain of the Knights,

 

Let me begin by saying this: This letter is my confession.

I had heard of Camelot from my youngest days; of its majesty and power. It was here in this city that I met you. That I came to know you. That I came to care for you. My first confession is of my undying loyalty and love for you. Please believe me when I say that I would gladly lay down my life a thousand times if, just once, it could save yours. I know that you will probably never feel the same about me, but that does not matter. As long as I live, I live to serve you.

You are a guiding light in a world of darkness. The world is darker these days. There are so many secrets; so many lies; so much death. It seems that everyone is out to get you. Even the closest of friends are becoming bitter enemies. I believe it started almost twenty-five years ago, when your father, King Uther Pendragon, tried to purge magic from the land. However, he is not to blame for the current situation. Evil forces have risen up in the void left by the purge. They are poisoning everything, infecting everyone. But you can end it.

I know that one day you will be a great king. You have a kind heart that can empathize with the people. You can rule Camelot like no king before you, or after you, ever could. I know you will bring light back to the lands of Albion.

My second confession, and the one I hope you will not hate me for, is that I am a sorcerer. I was born with incredible powers, able to move things with my mind with barely a thought. When I came to Camelot and I heard about the laws against magic, I was terrified. I didn't want to die. I would have left as soon as I could have, except that I met you that very same day.

You see, Arthur Pendragon, you gave me a purpose in life. Until you, I was wandering. I didn't know what my powers were for; why I had them in the first place. I was weak and hopeless without you. But with you, I am so much more than just myself. I want to protect you. I want to help you. If you would let me, I want to be at your side as you create your own Camelot.

Yes. I am a sorcerer. I know magic. I was born with it and I practice it. I am a traitor for doing so in Camelot, but I feel no guilt about it. If, even once, I can do something good and useful with my gifts, for you, then I don't care if I break every rule in existence. So I'm asking you for forgiveness. I'm sorry for being what I am, but I can't stop being this way any more than you can stop being who you are. And I know you. I wouldn't change you for anything in the world.

I am also a coward. You see, I told you this letter was my confession. I have confessed to my darkest secrets. But you don't know who I am and I won't tell you. If you knew and you did not forgive me, then you would have me killed. I don't want to die. Besides, if I'm dead then I cannot protect you from the next magical creature that attacks Camelot. Gods know you attract danger.

If you knew and you did forgive me, then you would be committing treason against your own father. You love your father and I couldn't bear to cause a rift like that between you. He is already so fragile and you already have so much to deal with. I do not want to add to it.

I am being selfish by admitting this all to you now, but I am dealing with a lot too. Everything used to be so simple – or as simple as could be expected with witches, ogres, faeries, and other people with evil plans to stop. Things are no longer simple. I should not admit these secrets to you, but I cannot hold it in any more. I want you to know who I am. Me. Not how everyone sees me every day, but as myself, for who I am. I cannot have what I want. But in this way, at least I know you know. That eases my conscience and my soul. So, I really do apologize for this letter. It is probably the last thing you want to read right now, but it was the first thing I felt I had to do.

I hope you do not hate me. I hope you can forgive a traitorous warlock. I hope to still be able to help you until the day I die…which I pray will be a long time away.


	2. Chapter 2

_To Merlin, manservant to Prince Arthur, Crowned Prince of Camelot, yadda yadda,_

_Let me start off by saying: I had no idea you could read. Or that you had such grand penmanship._

_You are an idiot._

_You do not tell the Crowned Prince that you are committing treason right under his nose. You do not leave stupid little letters with that information on the Crowned Prince's desk, where anyone could pick it up. But most importantly, you do not apologize._

_It was simple to tell it was you who had written that letter. Who else had access to my chambers, really? Who else talks about my reign as king the way you do? Who else vows to serve me until the day they die? Who else would be so stupid as you?_

_Merlin, you are my trusted manservant. I mean it. You have my trust. Aside from that, you are, I will admit, my dearest and truest friend. If you were to be burned at the stake, or beheaded – gods forbid, I would be without a clean room and without a confidant. So do me a favor and Do Not Tell Anyone Else. I may have to throttle you myself if you do._

_About the letter itself: that was possibly the most girlish thing I have ever read. You constantly and consistently poured your heart out on every page, in every line and word. It was emotional and sappy and I know for a fact you cried on it at least twice. Don't be so weepy. You are not going to die._

_Prince Arthur Pendragon_

 

…

To Prince Prat,

Not all of us were dropped on our emotional heads when we were young. We actually have emotions. And brains. I hate you. See if I ever write you a letter again. Or speak to you. That's right. I am not speaking to you. 

M

 

…

_To Merlin,_

_Don't be an idiot. You can't keep that up._

_However, I will admit that it seems I've upset you. As my apology, since you confessed in your letter to me, I will confess to you as well. Tell anyone else what I am about to write and I will have you flogged._

_I have loyalty and love for you too. As you would die for me, so I would for you. I cannot imagine a life without you in it. I am not ready to be king, but when I am king, it would do me great honor if you sat at my side and helped me._

_I am not a sorcerer. Sorry._

  _Arthur_

 

…

 

Arthur,

Alright. I suppose I forgive you. I'm helping Gaius for most of the afternoon – though you already know that – but I will be back later this afternoon to help you prepare for your birthday feast. I may even bring a present for you if you are good.

Merlin

 

…

 

_Merlin,_

_It better be a big present, because I am going to be so good you may just die of shock._

_Say hello to Gaius for me. I will see you this afternoon._

_Arthur_


End file.
